Electronic Gaming Monthly chooses to mock Endless Ocean instead of truly review it

EGM did a ‘review’ of Endless Ocean. You can’t really call it a review though. They put the game in their review wrap-up section, which covers games that were ‘too late…or too little.’ Below is their review blurb, courtesy of the gang at NeoGAF. Review will be in bold.

Why isn’t it a game?

Endless Ocean gives you a sailboat and a stretch of the South Pacific to explore at 10 fathoms. What it doesn’t give you is danger, conflict, enemies, a story, obstacles a health bar, bosses… you know, game stuff. You don’t even have to worry about your air supply. Ever tried diving without an air guage? Diving’s a supersafe sport, but if you don’t follow a few simple rules, you could rupture your lungs or catch agonizing decompression sickness or just drift into a happy warm funk until you run out of air. I’m not saying EO needs to give players the bends, but it’d be nice if the occasional fish at least tried to eat you.

Wait, you mean the fish don’t bite?

Nope, not even when you chum the water and then reach out to pet them with your Wii remote. EO’s fauna - both the fish below and hte birds above the water - exist solely to satisfy your critter-molestation desires. It’s be like Mario going to the Mushroom Kingdom just to grope all the Goombas and the Koopas. At least the manta ray in Super Mario Galaxy will kill ya if you ride him wrong, for cryin’ out loud. Your goal here ultimately is to catalog as many fish as you can get in petting distance, stopping along the way to give dive tours to tourists who want in on the hot fin-petting action. And if that sounds more like work than a game, then bingo - That’s why EO kicks off our inaugural installment of Electronic Nongaming Monthly.

If I were to rate Endless Ocean on a scale between Biology Class and a night dive in the actual ocean, I’d give it ‘trip to Walmart’s aquarium isle’. - Crispin Boyer

An actual review would be nice, instead of just a mock article. I guess EGM is choosing to ignore the core crowd that actually enjoys this game. It’s been getting some great reviews, including the 8.0 at 1up. By the way, there is an air gauge as well.

Categories: Reviews, Consoles
Tags: wii


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