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fish
Thu May 20 21 05:04am
Rating: 1

Man, the longer we went without hearing from you, the more I empathized with your situation. I knew it wasn't easy to be torn away from your life's work like that and if you had it in your power to fill everyone in, you'd take it. To go from updating a site, a Patreon, Youtube page, Twitter all day, every day for years to just... suddenly not was hard enough to imagine but also hearing about the isolation you had to take from pretty much everyone including real-life friends and family (on top of online friendships) is downright tearjerking.

You are one of the most selfless people I've ever known! The work you've put into all of this over the years (been a fan for well over a decade now 😬) has been inspiring and I know there's probably a part of you that's going to feel bad for not being able to spring back into step with things, if you even do at all.

Whatever you decide, I'm with you. And I know a lot of other fans of the site and of you will be too!

You have to do what's best for you.

Trauma is... pretty freakin' hard shovel to deal with! I'm glad you mentioned you were already seeking therapy for what happened. Regardless of the future of the sight, I (and many others) want YOU to be okay. It's going to take time, work, thoughtfulness, help from friends and then... even more time. And even after all that, the effects may still linger with you. Unexpected triggers will rear their ugly head at strange times but it does get better, I promise you. Just do not be afraid to lean on your support network. You have some of the best friends and supporters out there because you are such a great friend and person.

It does get better. It will get better.

This is the worst of it, my friend. Starting the process of recovery. All of the cuts are still fresh and sting. It makes you dissociate and it makes you feel like you'll never enjoy the activities you once enjoyed before. And without those... you might feel like you've lost a huge part of yourself!

Whether or not you find joy in those same activities going forward remains to be seen but you can overcome that too! Eventually you'll learn ways to wash off the correlations enough to where you can enjoy some of those things again. You'll find joy in things, maybe even new interests! The important thing to do is to survive it. I really hate that "time heals all wounds" saying because like, if you got your arm blown off, time isn't going to regrow an arm (or is it...?) but it's true-ish! Time really does make it easier to deal with terrible things that have happened to you and it will make most (if not all) of these symptoms easier to deal with.

You are probably a changed man and for that, I am truly sorry. I don't know what happened and I don't ever need to know but I AM sorry that you had to go through all of this. You definitely didn't deserve it.

Much love and please hang in there.

I don't... know what I could do to help you beyond this, but if there ever is anything, I think you could track me down on Discord. Please just take as much time as you need for yourself before worrying about ANYTHING else.

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Joined: January 2011
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