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I randomly decided to checkout GN today and saw your post. I am glad that you are alive and doing your best to get back what would be normal for you. I met so many cool people from this website and it's all thanks to you for creating it and I will never forget that.
I hope that you are getting the help you need and can finally take a deep breath and know that everything is going to be okay. Do not worry about the website or others, we will be okay as long as we know that you are okay.
Best wishes to you and your family and close friends. I'd you need help don't be afraid to call on your fans, we do really care about you!