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An update on me and the future of GoNintendo

Hey, gang...I hope you're all doing well. It's obviously been quite some time since I up and vanished from the site, and I know you all have a ton of questions. I'm going to tell you everything I can, and also talk about the future of GoNintendo.

To kick things off, I want to say that the situation I was going through is officially over. It was something I never thought I would go through in a billion years, but here I am. I want to stress just as a I did last time, everyone is physically healthy and safe.

As for the situation itself, I honestly don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable talking about it in detail publicly. I know that's disappointing to hear, as I'm sure you guys/gals want to know every single bit of info. I do not blame you for wanting full details, and I know not getting them is frustrating beyond belief. All that said, here's what I'll share.

The situation hit me completely out of nowhere, and it removed me from everyone/everything I'm normally involved with. I don't want you guys to think I just up and left GoNintendo because I was tired of it. You know how important not just GoNintendo, but you guys are to me. This has been my baby for 17+ years and I've come to know and love so many of you. Trust me, it absolutely killed me to be yanked from my life's work and you wonderful people.

I also want to say once again that this took me away from ALL my usual interactions. We're not just talking about work. My friends and family have been in the dark just as long as you guys have, save for a VERY, VERY select few. I vanished from connections with them, and they've been wondering what's going on as well. It's been roughly 1 week since I've been able to come back to "normal" life, and I'm still working on filling in those personally close to me on what happened. It has been unimaginably rough, and quite honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get back mentally to who I was before this.

The matter removed me from every friendship, every work connection, and just about everything I did in my day-to-day life. I cannot stress enough how absolutely traumatic it has been, and continues to be. Even though everything is over and I can move on, I feel like an alien in my own body. Things that I did in life without giving a second thought now absolutely terrify me, and that goes for even the most simple of interactions. Getting the mail, answering a text, having conversations with people I've known all my life, and so on. I feel as though I'm watching myself from third person when I try to go through anything that was part of my usual routine. It's like some sort of out-of-body experience.

Again, I know it's supremely annoying not fully knowing what happened, but hopefully I've painted a picture that shows how horrible this all was, and how it's forever changed me in a very serious way. I'll no doubt be utilizing therapy for many, many years to come, and I have no idea if I'll ever feel like my old self. I hope this doesn't come across as overdramatic or woe-is-me, but I sincerely do not know if I'll ever be the same again. Just typing about it all makes me immeasurably uncomfortable. I spent those 2+ months sitting here worrying about everything, everyone, every thought, every noise, and so on. Even though I'm out from under the situation, nothing in life feels anywhere near normal right now.

Obviously, I'm sure many of you are wondering what this means for GoNintendo. Again, I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I really don't know what the future holds. To be 100% honest, I don't see myself getting back to a mental state where I can pick up work normally again. You guys know I worked on the site EVERY single day for the entirety of GoNintendo, so for me to say I don't see a path back mentally means a lot.

That said, I've had so many fantastic experiences through this site...there's honestly too many to count. From meeting my heroes, working with industry legends, covering the company I loved since I was a kid and so on, this has been a dream come true. Of course, the best part has been all of you people. Site readers, podcast listeners, social media followers, and so on. The amount of good to come from you and the site in general has been an incredible gift that gave just as much two months ago as it did on day one.

Unfortunately, I'm really not sure what to do from here on out with GoNintendo. It kills me to think about it ending, but I'm in no shape to push on. Just like many, many other normal things in my life right now, even contemplating diving back in makes me feel physically ill. I know it's trauma from what I went through and I need help to work through it, but as I said, that's going to take some serious time. Even just writing this post has proved extremely difficult. I've been having some horrendous nightmares about a billion things lately, including various GoNintendo stuff. It's all so, so incredibly difficult right now. I'm dedicated to getting better mentally, but I can't put a time on when I'll be in a better state, or how close to normal I'll ever be.

I have options for GoNintendo going forward, and those are things I need to think through. There are soooooooooo many work people I need to reach out to following this mess. Thinking of all the relationships that were severed makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again, I had zero idea any of this was going to happen, so the frustration those work people have felt is echoed by me as well. It's going to take quite some time for me to reach out to people individually and say the various things that need to be said. Trying to rebuild my life is an absolute nightmare that I know will be the toughest challenge I've ever had, and remedying old work connections is very much part of that. It all has to be done, but I have to make sure I do it with the help I need and the time it takes.

I can't say 100% that GoNintendo is dead, but unfortunately, it's not going to be up-and-running as usual anytime in the near future. I don't even know what "usual" would be at this point, as it might not include me. I really, honestly do not know what's ahead. I'll have to figure things out as I go along, and see what solutions and opportunities arise. There might be something that comes my way that makes GoNintendo close to what it used to be, but your guess is as good as mine as to what that would be. I have so much to sift through and put in order, and that very much means personal and work life together.

To be even more transparent, I have no idea what's going on in the world of Nintendo right now. I've picked up a few things here and there, but by and large, I'm completely in the dark. There's never been a time in my life where I'm so uninformed about Nintendo. The same goes for all my passions right now, to be honest. Gaming as a whole, comic books, pro wrestling, and so on. The situation I was in completely removed my interest and drive to learn about those hobbies. Only just now am I getting reconnected to some of those things, but interacting with them just doesn't feel right. Not to be depressing, but those things don't make me happy or engage me like they used to. I've recently played games with friends, but that was definitely fueled by the desire to hear their voices and get back to some level of normal with them. I've also tried playing solo games, but I end up getting extremely uncomfortable and lost in bad thoughts at the same time. Not a fun place to be at mentally at all.

So yeah, not exactly the uplifting and happy post I'm sure you guys were holding out for, and for that I'm truly sorry. Trust me, I wanted that more than anything. The best news I can share is what I stated at the beginning. The situation I endured is over, and all is 100% well. If I could snap my fingers and forget the last few months, then I could pick up work/personal life tomorrow and plow ahead just like any other day. I so desperately want that to be possible, but obviously it's not.

I do want to share a thank you with everyone who reads this post and has checked in on the site the last couple of months. As of roughly a week ago, I had others inform me of all the comments you've shared, discussions you've had elsewhere, social media campaigns you put together, and so on. I'm incredibly touched that you guys care that much about me and GoNintendo in general to do all that. I've always said that I'm just some random Nintendo fan that obsesses over all things Big N, and you guys have been wonderful enough to support me on my journey. To know that your appreciation and care for my work, as well as me in general, goes this far is the most humbling thing I've ever experienced. I've never understood why I've been so lucky to have so many incredible people at my virtual side, and this whole situation only furthers that. You've always been a part of my heart, and that is something I truly appreciate right now.

My apologies for hitting all of you with such a giant post. I hope it helps bring some closure to the situation, and helps ease your mind a bit. Moving forward, I promise to keep you updated on any future for GoNintendo, but I obviously don't know when that'll be. As I said, I have a lot to deal with right now in both personal and work situations. When I have news to share about GoNintendo, you can be sure I'll bring it to you first.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Categories: Site Updates

Comments

Can relate to this text on many levels. Mental stuff is real, exercise can definitly help regaining control, prob even more important now in lockdown times.

Went through something that made even showering the dreaded event for the 7 or 10 days because it took every bit of energy I had.

At times the body protested in its own ways I never imagined possible(mental stuff) even after reading about it briefly, the bodys "protest" kind of made me scared of sleeping/relaxing at that time.

Same with watching /playing stuff I enjoyed, it put a lot of stress into my mind, which I at the time couldn't handle as I was kind of still in survival mode(didnt try Kirby though).
Once there was the kind of 3rd person feeling part you kind of describe, and what I've learned about that is that atleast for me, it was that I was way more tired than I thought I was, gotta listen to those signals.

Went through that, worked out since that was neccesary to come back to my work and strenghten myself, and now i get 100km almost every week in pokemon Go. Just sharing to let you know that you can get through trauma, and maybe get another positive perspective forward!

I'm just glad you are OK RMC. Don't worry about us take care of yourself

hypnomancy
Thu May 20 21 07:13am
(Updated 1 time)

It's good to hear you're okay...I've listened to you and the crew off and on since I was a kid and it honestly hurts reading everything you've been through. Don't worry it's not your fault at all so don't feel bad. I just wish there was something I could do to help you. Just take your time and see where life decides to take you. Hopefully you find joy and happiness again. I'm just having trouble figuring out what to say but thank you for all the work you've done and all the podcasts always brought me joy every week that I always looked forward to. Wishing you the best.

Just wanted to edit this to tell you how much I admire you as a person. The way you carry yourself and your personality on the podcasts was always a joy. You guys were one of the few things that would actually make me laugh every week and your positive spirit was always inspiring. I don't doubt that your true self is inside you...time will heal you and always remember you have the support of so many people who care about you

Trauma is extremely difficult, I know... We all love you Kevin and will be here for you no matter what the future holds. I wish you the best in your time with therapy. Thank you, Kevin.

midnightscott
Thu May 20 21 08:12am
Rating: 1

Hey Kevin,

I randomly decided to checkout GN today and saw your post. I am glad that you are alive and doing your best to get back what would be normal for you. I met so many cool people from this website and it's all thanks to you for creating it and I will never forget that.

I hope that you are getting the help you need and can finally take a deep breath and know that everything is going to be okay. Do not worry about the website or others, we will be okay as long as we know that you are okay.

Best wishes to you and your family and close friends. I'd you need help don't be afraid to call on your fans, we do really care about you!

We all are glad you are back, take it slow, many of us know how hard it can be to get back to a what you could say is a normal state of mind after any traumatic event, thankfully I haven't been in one, and I can only imagine what a shift in reality it must be.

Take your time to heal as much as possible, as much as I love seeing the latest nintendo news, that can wait if it means that you yourself feel better. please take care, and the very best wishes for you and everyone you hold dear.

Regardless of everything, it's wonderful to hear from you, and that you are at least out the other side.
Don't worry about anything other than yourself, and I hope you continue to find more peace and comfort as time goes on. All my love goes out to you Kevin.

Thu May 20 21 08:41am
Rating: 1 (Updated 1 time)

Kevin, I'm relieved to hear from you, but of course saddened by what you've been put through. Trauma is debilitating and I am glad you are seeing a therapist and getting help. You don't have to share more than what you want to share with anyone but I do want to share some of my experience with trauma so that it might help you recover. If reading about (a general, nonspecific account of) trauma is triggering right now, feel free to skip the rest of this comment, and just know that I care much more about your well being, than knowing the future of GoNintendo. As for my experience...

I also went through a traumatic experience about 3 years ago. It left me feeling anxious, depressed, and like my life was out of control. It was an extended experience, and took about 8 months to physically remove myself from it, and another 1.5 years to officially have it "over". I only reached out for help/told anyone about it after about 6 months. It was agony, and I felt like I couldn't tell anyone for fear of making the situation worse. I felt many of the same things you described, a lack of drive and passion for things I once loved being the biggest thing for me. I both lost the passion I had for those hobbies and I actively avoided them, mostly because I didn't want to associate my trauma with what I considered to be my passions.

Once I finally had removed myself physically from my situation, I felt I could open up to my immediate family and friends, and their support came instantly. It made things much, much easier. I started going to therapy, and it finally felt like I was moving forward again and recovering. It wouldn't "finish" for another 1.5 years, but the journey had started.

It sounds to me like your journey is at about this point. It took several more months and another major life event, but I did eventually regain most if not all of what I felt I lost when it came to my passions and hobbies. I hope you can eventually get there. Therapy will help, friends will help, family will help...life goes on, and that will help too. Please don't worry about the site more than you need to right now. Focus more on healing yourself, and trying to figure out what drives you and/or what restores your previous drive and passions.

I don't care about the future of GoNintendo. I care about the man who's behind it. I want you to heal from this, and be able to mentally feel like yourself. That's what I care about and what's important to me.

That said, this site is the only way I hear from you...so maybe come back and let us know you're doing alright when you can! I'll be checking it if it doesn't go down, and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Much love.

Its good to hear from you Kevin. Sad that you had to go through all you went through. Will I miss Gonintendo? Absolutely its the only site I get my Nintendo news from but I'd much rather you be safe and healthy. You gave everyone an amazing 17 years of hard work and dedication. Most people wouldn't even last 5 doing the work that you do especially single handedly (for the most part). Take some time off and when/if the time is ready to come back you will know. It will be like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

Kevin...we don’t care what happened (I mean we care, but we don’t need to know the details), we CARE THAT YOU ARE OK!!!!

I gotta tell you man, I’m sorry you’ve been through a rough time, I don’t intend to put myself in your shoes and understand it all. Just know you’ve got people who care for, and support you, and will be here for you!

Take your time, do what you need to do. The important thing is that we all know your ok, breathing and still with us. I know I’ll at least still be here waiting for things to resume. Even if it’s not at the output level is was, or if things are different, that’s ok man...you just need to do what makes you happy. This site makes people happy too. Don’t be afraid to let people help you out. I know I’m personally not one of those site helpers but you have a great team that helps out behind the scenes, you’ve got a loving family, and friend network that really is something special. I would hear it every week just on the podcast Just know all these people are here for you, keep that in mind, and take it one day at a time. Trust me, even in the darkest of times, things always will get better. You got this dude.

You don’t need an end destination in mind. You don’t need to be overwhelmed by it all. Just let the people who care for you be there for you and take it one step at a time.

I’m really glad you’re ok. It did have me worried there for a while, and I’ll be praying for things to get back to normal for you and your family, whatever those circumstances may be. As I’ve been saying throughout the 800+ Comment thread before...keep your head up man. I’m looking forward to seeing this site in the future, WHENEVER that may be, and HOWEVER that may be. That’s your call...but I do miss hearing you and the crew on the podcast. When the time is right it would do my heart well to hear you all again and know you’re doing better. Cheers pal, -HeyDuda.

You've been a huge part of my life for the last 10 years and I've got nothing but love for you man. Just take it one day at a time and we are all cheering for you

I'm glad you've surrounded yourself with a good network of people who care for you. While I can't imagine the pain you've endured, I commend you with nothing but love and respect that you are taking the time to seek help when you know you need it. I know it's something I've been putting off too but plan to start once Covid is over.

You are more than any random Nintendo fan; you're someone who enjoys building connections with other fans, who entertains, who likes to inform and spread good in the part of the world you occupy.

It does get easier. It's hard work, you have to keep at it everyday, and you still have to get up every time you stumble, but it does get easier. We all love you Kevin, and we will support you however we can.

Rawmeat - it's such a relief to hear that you and your loved ones are okay. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Know that you've created a community of people who genuinely and truly care about you. You're one of the kindest people I've ever met.

I really hope you take all the time you need. The most important thing right now is to work on taking care of yourself. We will be here if and when you're ready to come back, in whatever form that looks like. Do not feel any pressure to rush. Your well-being in the number one priority.

We love you RMC.

corygodbey
Thu May 20 21 09:50am
Rating: 1

Relieved beyond words to hear from you, Kevin. Much love to you and yours.

hyliantom
Thu May 20 21 09:51am
Rating: 1

Reading this at work this morning, I’ve had to stop and weep a few times. Trauma and I are well-acquainted. I’m thankful that you’re safe. I’m thankful that the worst has passed. I’m thankful that you’re still here. And I’m thankful for the wonderful time we’ve spent together.

You and the gang will always be in my thoughts. Thank you so much, Kevin.💚

pc
Thu May 20 21 10:02am
Rating: 1

There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but I feel like I need to at least say something. I've always admired your work ethic and commitment, even more so your approachableness and kindness. Even though I don't know you personally, hearing that such a nice guy went through such a traumatizing situation, whatever it was, really hurts me to see. Please take care of yourself and never ever doubt that every single one of us here wish you the absolute best on your road back to a semblance of normalcy.

Kevin I am so sorry to hear that you have been though such a traumatic event. I wish I could be there for you as I'd imagine most of us who feel like we have a friendship with you even virtually do as well. I know it's got to be super hard to begin to pick up the pieces but coming from someone who deals with anxiety, try not to think too much about worst case scenario. Your friends and family will embrace you and welcome you back without a second thought. I know as followers of the site we wish we knew more not because were curious well some probably are but because we care about you as a friend and as our real life friends we would like to know what happened in their lives so we could better be there for them. I know that you aren't going to let any of us in especially after going through whatever you went though but I am glad you will be letting your therapist and family and friends in. I will miss interacting with you and the podcasts/youtube videos/and patreon posts but I understand you need to do what is best for you. I just lost my dad and my boss this past year and now losing you from my life it's not been a good year for me. I know unlike my dad and boss you are still here physically but I meant it more like losing you from our lives as GN fans. Please let me know if I can do anything and thank you for all that you have done to bring happiness and stability to our lives.

Glad to hear you are back RMC. We missed you. I hope you can find your way back to your love of Nintendo once you sort everything out.

My guess is either a lawsuit or an audit. Having been through both multiple times while running a business, they do consume your entire life and stress you out every time you open your mail box, email, etc. The feeling he was describing accurately reflects the mental state I was in the first time either of those things happened to me, including the feeling that you'll never get back to normal after it.

RMC, this stuff usually works itself out once you've fended the situation off, and if it ever happens again, you're usually way more ready for it than you were the first time mentally. You might have to adapt but it's usually not as difficult as it seems. Feel free to reach out to me if you need any advice via Paul Gale. Just tell him you need to reach the toy guy he trained.

Thu May 20 21 10:16am
Rating: 2 (Updated 2 times)

I’m so, so sorry for whatever it is that happened to you RMC. I hope you can get through all of this, and I’m sure you will. If you don’t ever feel like you can return to the site: thank you so much for the last 15 years!!!

So glad to hear from you RMC. Your absence has left a hole for many of us, and I am sure you can tell how many people care about you and were/are concerned. I am so sorry that you had to go through something so traumatic, wishing you a speedy recovery.

RMC, I am just so glad to hear from you again.

RMC, glad to hear that you are ok. I will be here if the site goes on (here's hoping It does), but make sure that you take the decision which makes you the most confortable. Please do take care of yourself.

Raw meat, I'm so glad to hear from you once again! You are such an inspiration to me. I wish you well on your recovery and know that everyone will welcome you back with open arms if and when the time comes. Take care man! We all LOVE you!

This sounds incredibly rough. Therapy can change your life for the better and I hope it'll be the same for you.
I wont pry any further into your private matters, but I do hope that those responsible for whatever happened to you will have to answer to a court of law.

mystikoi
Thu May 20 21 11:17am
(Updated 1 time)

Kevin, I’m glad to hear you are ok and I am so sorry that you had to deal with everything you dealt with. You are one of the kindest and most selfless Internet journalists out there and it pains me to see that you had to deal with this trauma. You are under no obligation to do anything but take care of yourself and recover, whatever that looks like and however long that takes. I’m praying for you and hope things get way better.

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