Login

An update on me and the future of GoNintendo

Hey, gang...I hope you're all doing well. It's obviously been quite some time since I up and vanished from the site, and I know you all have a ton of questions. I'm going to tell you everything I can, and also talk about the future of GoNintendo.

To kick things off, I want to say that the situation I was going through is officially over. It was something I never thought I would go through in a billion years, but here I am. I want to stress just as a I did last time, everyone is physically healthy and safe.

As for the situation itself, I honestly don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable talking about it in detail publicly. I know that's disappointing to hear, as I'm sure you guys/gals want to know every single bit of info. I do not blame you for wanting full details, and I know not getting them is frustrating beyond belief. All that said, here's what I'll share.

The situation hit me completely out of nowhere, and it removed me from everyone/everything I'm normally involved with. I don't want you guys to think I just up and left GoNintendo because I was tired of it. You know how important not just GoNintendo, but you guys are to me. This has been my baby for 17+ years and I've come to know and love so many of you. Trust me, it absolutely killed me to be yanked from my life's work and you wonderful people.

I also want to say once again that this took me away from ALL my usual interactions. We're not just talking about work. My friends and family have been in the dark just as long as you guys have, save for a VERY, VERY select few. I vanished from connections with them, and they've been wondering what's going on as well. It's been roughly 1 week since I've been able to come back to "normal" life, and I'm still working on filling in those personally close to me on what happened. It has been unimaginably rough, and quite honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get back mentally to who I was before this.

The matter removed me from every friendship, every work connection, and just about everything I did in my day-to-day life. I cannot stress enough how absolutely traumatic it has been, and continues to be. Even though everything is over and I can move on, I feel like an alien in my own body. Things that I did in life without giving a second thought now absolutely terrify me, and that goes for even the most simple of interactions. Getting the mail, answering a text, having conversations with people I've known all my life, and so on. I feel as though I'm watching myself from third person when I try to go through anything that was part of my usual routine. It's like some sort of out-of-body experience.

Again, I know it's supremely annoying not fully knowing what happened, but hopefully I've painted a picture that shows how horrible this all was, and how it's forever changed me in a very serious way. I'll no doubt be utilizing therapy for many, many years to come, and I have no idea if I'll ever feel like my old self. I hope this doesn't come across as overdramatic or woe-is-me, but I sincerely do not know if I'll ever be the same again. Just typing about it all makes me immeasurably uncomfortable. I spent those 2+ months sitting here worrying about everything, everyone, every thought, every noise, and so on. Even though I'm out from under the situation, nothing in life feels anywhere near normal right now.

Obviously, I'm sure many of you are wondering what this means for GoNintendo. Again, I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I really don't know what the future holds. To be 100% honest, I don't see myself getting back to a mental state where I can pick up work normally again. You guys know I worked on the site EVERY single day for the entirety of GoNintendo, so for me to say I don't see a path back mentally means a lot.

That said, I've had so many fantastic experiences through this site...there's honestly too many to count. From meeting my heroes, working with industry legends, covering the company I loved since I was a kid and so on, this has been a dream come true. Of course, the best part has been all of you people. Site readers, podcast listeners, social media followers, and so on. The amount of good to come from you and the site in general has been an incredible gift that gave just as much two months ago as it did on day one.

Unfortunately, I'm really not sure what to do from here on out with GoNintendo. It kills me to think about it ending, but I'm in no shape to push on. Just like many, many other normal things in my life right now, even contemplating diving back in makes me feel physically ill. I know it's trauma from what I went through and I need help to work through it, but as I said, that's going to take some serious time. Even just writing this post has proved extremely difficult. I've been having some horrendous nightmares about a billion things lately, including various GoNintendo stuff. It's all so, so incredibly difficult right now. I'm dedicated to getting better mentally, but I can't put a time on when I'll be in a better state, or how close to normal I'll ever be.

I have options for GoNintendo going forward, and those are things I need to think through. There are soooooooooo many work people I need to reach out to following this mess. Thinking of all the relationships that were severed makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again, I had zero idea any of this was going to happen, so the frustration those work people have felt is echoed by me as well. It's going to take quite some time for me to reach out to people individually and say the various things that need to be said. Trying to rebuild my life is an absolute nightmare that I know will be the toughest challenge I've ever had, and remedying old work connections is very much part of that. It all has to be done, but I have to make sure I do it with the help I need and the time it takes.

I can't say 100% that GoNintendo is dead, but unfortunately, it's not going to be up-and-running as usual anytime in the near future. I don't even know what "usual" would be at this point, as it might not include me. I really, honestly do not know what's ahead. I'll have to figure things out as I go along, and see what solutions and opportunities arise. There might be something that comes my way that makes GoNintendo close to what it used to be, but your guess is as good as mine as to what that would be. I have so much to sift through and put in order, and that very much means personal and work life together.

To be even more transparent, I have no idea what's going on in the world of Nintendo right now. I've picked up a few things here and there, but by and large, I'm completely in the dark. There's never been a time in my life where I'm so uninformed about Nintendo. The same goes for all my passions right now, to be honest. Gaming as a whole, comic books, pro wrestling, and so on. The situation I was in completely removed my interest and drive to learn about those hobbies. Only just now am I getting reconnected to some of those things, but interacting with them just doesn't feel right. Not to be depressing, but those things don't make me happy or engage me like they used to. I've recently played games with friends, but that was definitely fueled by the desire to hear their voices and get back to some level of normal with them. I've also tried playing solo games, but I end up getting extremely uncomfortable and lost in bad thoughts at the same time. Not a fun place to be at mentally at all.

So yeah, not exactly the uplifting and happy post I'm sure you guys were holding out for, and for that I'm truly sorry. Trust me, I wanted that more than anything. The best news I can share is what I stated at the beginning. The situation I endured is over, and all is 100% well. If I could snap my fingers and forget the last few months, then I could pick up work/personal life tomorrow and plow ahead just like any other day. I so desperately want that to be possible, but obviously it's not.

I do want to share a thank you with everyone who reads this post and has checked in on the site the last couple of months. As of roughly a week ago, I had others inform me of all the comments you've shared, discussions you've had elsewhere, social media campaigns you put together, and so on. I'm incredibly touched that you guys care that much about me and GoNintendo in general to do all that. I've always said that I'm just some random Nintendo fan that obsesses over all things Big N, and you guys have been wonderful enough to support me on my journey. To know that your appreciation and care for my work, as well as me in general, goes this far is the most humbling thing I've ever experienced. I've never understood why I've been so lucky to have so many incredible people at my virtual side, and this whole situation only furthers that. You've always been a part of my heart, and that is something I truly appreciate right now.

My apologies for hitting all of you with such a giant post. I hope it helps bring some closure to the situation, and helps ease your mind a bit. Moving forward, I promise to keep you updated on any future for GoNintendo, but I obviously don't know when that'll be. As I said, I have a lot to deal with right now in both personal and work situations. When I have news to share about GoNintendo, you can be sure I'll bring it to you first.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Categories: Site Updates

Comments

As someone who has been through the psych ward a few times, I don’t sneeze at trauma. If you feel like giving up on the site, go ahead. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, if the Internet was a real place, no one would go there.

Adult avid reader since almost 15 year from Italy here. Thanks for your incredible work, hope you can do whatever make you feel ok.
Left out from your mind all work stuff and obligation and please enjoy your time, your loved ones and yourself.
Thanks again and have a good life

It definitely sucks that you had to go through whatever you did, RMC. And it definitely sucks that it may have destroyed your passion for what you've done so with a lot of care for so long. While I hope that you continue with GoNintendo one day, I understand why you may feel the need to stop. We have all been very worried about you, and hope you can straighten the ship out of whatever twisted canal of life you came across. I have no idea if that makes sense. But anyway, it's good to hear from you again, I hope all is well and continues to be well for you, your family and friends.

Sending healing rainbows and a whole lotta love

Welcome back to the world, RMC. For what it's worth, my take: your personal well-being takes priority over everything else in your life. I'd focus on that, and if that means walking away from GoNintendo, so be it. Whether you loan someone the keys to the site, bequeath the site to someone else, or just shut it down, freeing yourself from that burden is worth the cost. Should you decide to return--to this domain, to this format, or any other--you'll undoubtedly be warmly received. Whatever you choose, best of luck.

I’m so glad to hear from you. The last couple of months without you and GN has felt like an eternity. Been to the site every week snd most days to check in. I am so sorry to read your post. I can’t even imagine what has happened which put you here. I feel all teared up. Even if I don’t know you, you are a dear friend of mine and I wish you all the best. I’m sure you will come back to GN some day. Don’t let whatever happened stop you from it because you are the best person on the whole internet. Take care and see you down the road!

linklonk
Thu May 20 21 06:39pm
Rating: 5

It's nice to see you back, but you didn't explain why Cortjezter or Tduck weren't allowed to post anything on the site.

Probably because it's none of our fucking business.

Please understand that he has a legitimate right to explain absolutely nothing. It was certainly difficult enough for him to write what is here.
Still, I understand that, for people like me who have been in therapy since 2015, it is easier to understand decisions like those of the RMC.

And RMC: thanks in particular for the last paragraph.
All love to you!

RMC, I've never been so glad to read a wall of text.

It's a heavy read, but an understandable one. Take time that you need, regroup. In comics, games, etc. No hero is ever truly alone, and you're not alone either. Your friends and family, and all of us that are here.

GoNintendo introduced me to many of what would become dear friends over the last...nearly 15 years now. We love your site, and the community you've worked so hard to culture and grow.

Stay as healthy as you can, and we'll be here if and when you're ready.

Whatever is best for you, we all understand, love, and support you!

bond007
Thu May 20 21 07:53pm
(Updated 1 time)

Great to hear from you Kevin. Thanks for the update and sharing some of what you have been dealing with. I've been visiting the site since around 2007 and I was instantly hooked to your passion and work here. You and the crew have been like family to me. I love you all. The podcast has been my number one content each week that I look forward to. I'm going to miss GoNintendo and all you do here. But your health and wellbeing is what's most important to me. I'm relieved that you have made it through what you were dealing with and can begin the process of recovery. Looks like you have quite the road ahead and I hope you can continue to make strides. I know you have great family and friends, you have loving support; and you also have all of us in your corner. We are all pulling for you. I hope you are able to rekindle the joys in life. Videogames and entertainment are great, but there is also so much more in life that can bring joy and happiness. Keep your head up and don't be ashamed that you are taking a step back from everything. Lean on your family and friends, and any therapy you may be apart of. I love you and I know you can heal over time. You may become a different version of yourself because of all this, but that's ok as long as you are happy.

It’s great hearing from you again, Kevin. I’m wishing you the best of recovery and am sorry to hear in the first place, that you had to go through so much trauma. You have a great community here...a lot of friends that care about you. All these positive vibes are being sent your way. Try and take care and build back up.

Hey RMC, it's great to hear from you again, even though the content is somber. I can't imagine what you've gone through, but I hope you begin to feel comfortable again soon and feel passion in whatever you decide to do, whether that be video games, pro wrestling, sandwiches, or something completely new. Don't be afraid to continue leaning on your support group back at home and know that much of your GoNintendo Internet family will still be here if you ever decide to return. In the meantime, I'll take your advice and make sure to enjoy each day a bit more and spread smiles (and bad puns) the best I can.

I was really holding out hope that the site would resume operations, but after reading RMC’s post, I think this is more of a farewell to us readers.

No judgement though. I’ve never read anything quite like that, and I fully understand if it’s time to call it quits. What a ride, though.

thedreaminghawk
Thu May 20 21 08:57pm
Rating: 3 (Updated 2 times)

I woke up this morning and jolted out of bed when I saw the update, then read it, was very nervous and couldn't describe how to reply, so I sat on it all day at work.

As a person who has suffered from his own violent trauma for the past 16 years, I wasn't sure how to reply without coming off as insensitive or bad, especially considering the fact I don't even know the full story of what happened, and it sounds like it's arguably worse than what happened to me, which makes me all the more relieved you're OK.

The key takeaway before anything else I say should be that I do not mind at all if GN retires with nobody else taking over, or if GN is handed off to another admin/mod/writer, since the priority should be your mental health first and foremost. I don't know if you saw my comments worried about the lack of updates in two months, but let me be clear, that wasn't due to me lacking the usual news: that was me being worried sick about something happening to you. I feel a lot better now, but also arguably more scared and nervous, due to the fact that I can't imagine the idea of what it would take for someone like you to be feeling this way: for the length I've been here (2013), I've learned how nice of a person you are and how you always try to help out whenever possible, no matter how rude someone may be towards you, so for whatever to hurt you so much, would have been a major calamity that honestly I'm again, glad you're out of now, but it's still terrifying to even think about what might have happened. The trauma is almost certainly more severe than anything people here are guessing (Which you guys really shouldn't be, due to RMC saying himself how touchy of a subject and how hard it was for him to even write this up), which may make what I'm about to say seem pretty worthless or not helpful, but I feel I might as well.

Trigger Warning below: assault, abuse, attempted murder, etc, RMC and others who need to can stop reading here.

Around 16 years ago, in 2005, I was seven years old growing up with my mother, and her live-in boyfriend. This boyfriend was a complete demon of a person, and did so many unspeakable acts to me that I can't even name them all without going into very scary nightmares or flashbacks. He's been dead for years yet I still have trauma and tons of phobias birthed from the horrific things he did to me and my body. To keep it blunt and vague, one time I was violated, taken to an isolated apartment with no idea what was going on, and nearly smothered to death. Then several other times, I almost died due to physical confrontations, before it ended in a horrifying manner that stemmed from a home invasion.

Let's just say that ever since, I've still had tons of horrendous nightmares and fears of break-ins and dangerous situations, and I honestly feel it's a miracle me and my mom survived. (A hero relative who lived with us called 911 after telling him it was a "pizza call", and somehow de-escalated it a bit by preparing everyone for pizza) But the trauma of near-death has scarred me ever since. Stuff like apartment living scares me to this day, making independent moveouts a tough concept for me, and some of the stuff I was exposed to in the form of violent horror movies have left such a bad wreck on my mental state, one I can literally never name ever due to flashbacks, that I still have nightmares about the movie despite being an adult.

For years I had to see therapy over it, but I didn't even know I needed it until I was closer to being a teenager, all I know is I just had tons of outbursts and the littlest sign of an injury would make me burst out into terrified tears. The therapy helped me tremendously, but even with it I've had periods of extreme fear, especially a phobia of death that was caused by the trauma, unfortunately. That will never go away, and will be a lifelong problem for me until the end of time. But i've made so many new, great friends, and done so much great things, that it's the motivation for me to keep pushing myself to go out and do things for my website and in general, despite the many days I have nightmares or my extreme fear of death come back. Seventeen years later, and it's still tough.

I don't know what exactly happened on your end, but from what I'm reading, it definitely sounds like something that'll take the same long journey with therapy and help from friends to deal with, and I honestly again, do not blame you for needing to spend as long as you need in order to get your mental health and well being in gear. No matter how long it takes, I'll always support you, especially since your site, members, and staff (special shoutout to cort) have gotten me through many MANY rough nights in my life. Whatever the future holds, take care and stay safe, including everyone reading my comment. Thank you all.

It's funny with out GoNintendo I've also been kinda out of the loop haha. Whatever happens; just take care of yourself. Thank you for your hard work and the good times.

That sounds truly awful, RMC. Sending love your way.

grantimus
Thu May 20 21 09:36pm
(Updated 1 time)

I'll add my voice to the chorus. Whatever the future holds, thank you so much Kevin, Danielle, Grant, and all the others whose real names weren't mentioned on the podcast. RMC thanks for the dedication! Mom Brain, Kirby, Nicky Hill, Deux, R-type, Ninten-ho, PC, I'm 100% sure I'm forgetting some big-hitters here but whatever. Thank you all for the hours and hours and years of entertainment!!

btw: a hotdog is a sandwich

Love you, RMC! I've been a lurker since 2006, and I know I don't say much, but I'm glad your ok!

Stay safe

it WILL get better brotha.

I’m just relieved you’re okay.

I’ve been here ever since I was a greasy little teenager in 2005 or so, desperate for news about Twilight Princess’s upcoming release. You’ve always been so kind and consistent. You deserve the space and time to heal.

Been praying for you and hopeful that it was something temporary. I’ll continue to pray for you. I’ve been through my share of trauma when I was a kid and know how long-lasting it can be. Take whatever time you need, man.

RMC, I'm glad to hear from you again. I have never been through anything as personally traumatizing as what you have recently been through, so I can't fully emphasize, but you have to take care of yourself.

Today, we lost Kentaro Miura from heart complications, in what seems like he worked himself to death. You and GoNintendo have been a fixture of my online life for many years, but I can let it go if you need to heal.

God speed O bearded one.

Oh, yeah I'm angry. I'm angry because you're not living your best life. I'm angry that you had to go through all the stuff you did. I'm angry that it's gonna affect you for a long while. But honestly, you take care of yourself, okay? Recovery takes time, and there is no set time for full recovery. Take each day as it comes.

You've given so much of yourself to this site, and we thank you immensely for all that you've done. I would really hate to see this site go, but in the end, you have to do what's best for you. Just know that, IMO, it's gonna be hard to replace this site because you've done such an awesome job with it. Oh, it's true. It's DAMN TRUE.

bfx9
Thu May 20 21 11:30pm
Rating: 1

Kevin, i don't know you but i can tell you i went through
some horror because of experimenting with a substance.
i freaked out, had suicidal levels of depression and anxiety
and life has forever changed. I'll never be the same.
however....life gets better, time does heal and the amount of strength you will learn and aquire is priceless.
you will conquer this. you have too. i'm in your corner.

Well, I’m glad you’re okay!

It’s only a website (albeit one that I love)... and we’ll move on with our lives.

Take care and sending prayers.

Ben

askme
Fri May 21 21 12:12am
(Updated 3 times)

Well, this sounds like a farewell to me. I'm going to miss the podcast that's for sure. Look after yourself RMC, good luck with your future, and whatever lies ahead.

Search

Today's VIP

chuggitmcnuggit's avatar
Joined: February 2017
Fledgling

Social Services

Want to join this discussion?

You should like, totally log in or sign up!