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An update on me and the future of GoNintendo

Hey, gang...I hope you're all doing well. It's obviously been quite some time since I up and vanished from the site, and I know you all have a ton of questions. I'm going to tell you everything I can, and also talk about the future of GoNintendo.

To kick things off, I want to say that the situation I was going through is officially over. It was something I never thought I would go through in a billion years, but here I am. I want to stress just as a I did last time, everyone is physically healthy and safe.

As for the situation itself, I honestly don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable talking about it in detail publicly. I know that's disappointing to hear, as I'm sure you guys/gals want to know every single bit of info. I do not blame you for wanting full details, and I know not getting them is frustrating beyond belief. All that said, here's what I'll share.

The situation hit me completely out of nowhere, and it removed me from everyone/everything I'm normally involved with. I don't want you guys to think I just up and left GoNintendo because I was tired of it. You know how important not just GoNintendo, but you guys are to me. This has been my baby for 17+ years and I've come to know and love so many of you. Trust me, it absolutely killed me to be yanked from my life's work and you wonderful people.

I also want to say once again that this took me away from ALL my usual interactions. We're not just talking about work. My friends and family have been in the dark just as long as you guys have, save for a VERY, VERY select few. I vanished from connections with them, and they've been wondering what's going on as well. It's been roughly 1 week since I've been able to come back to "normal" life, and I'm still working on filling in those personally close to me on what happened. It has been unimaginably rough, and quite honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get back mentally to who I was before this.

The matter removed me from every friendship, every work connection, and just about everything I did in my day-to-day life. I cannot stress enough how absolutely traumatic it has been, and continues to be. Even though everything is over and I can move on, I feel like an alien in my own body. Things that I did in life without giving a second thought now absolutely terrify me, and that goes for even the most simple of interactions. Getting the mail, answering a text, having conversations with people I've known all my life, and so on. I feel as though I'm watching myself from third person when I try to go through anything that was part of my usual routine. It's like some sort of out-of-body experience.

Again, I know it's supremely annoying not fully knowing what happened, but hopefully I've painted a picture that shows how horrible this all was, and how it's forever changed me in a very serious way. I'll no doubt be utilizing therapy for many, many years to come, and I have no idea if I'll ever feel like my old self. I hope this doesn't come across as overdramatic or woe-is-me, but I sincerely do not know if I'll ever be the same again. Just typing about it all makes me immeasurably uncomfortable. I spent those 2+ months sitting here worrying about everything, everyone, every thought, every noise, and so on. Even though I'm out from under the situation, nothing in life feels anywhere near normal right now.

Obviously, I'm sure many of you are wondering what this means for GoNintendo. Again, I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I really don't know what the future holds. To be 100% honest, I don't see myself getting back to a mental state where I can pick up work normally again. You guys know I worked on the site EVERY single day for the entirety of GoNintendo, so for me to say I don't see a path back mentally means a lot.

That said, I've had so many fantastic experiences through this site...there's honestly too many to count. From meeting my heroes, working with industry legends, covering the company I loved since I was a kid and so on, this has been a dream come true. Of course, the best part has been all of you people. Site readers, podcast listeners, social media followers, and so on. The amount of good to come from you and the site in general has been an incredible gift that gave just as much two months ago as it did on day one.

Unfortunately, I'm really not sure what to do from here on out with GoNintendo. It kills me to think about it ending, but I'm in no shape to push on. Just like many, many other normal things in my life right now, even contemplating diving back in makes me feel physically ill. I know it's trauma from what I went through and I need help to work through it, but as I said, that's going to take some serious time. Even just writing this post has proved extremely difficult. I've been having some horrendous nightmares about a billion things lately, including various GoNintendo stuff. It's all so, so incredibly difficult right now. I'm dedicated to getting better mentally, but I can't put a time on when I'll be in a better state, or how close to normal I'll ever be.

I have options for GoNintendo going forward, and those are things I need to think through. There are soooooooooo many work people I need to reach out to following this mess. Thinking of all the relationships that were severed makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again, I had zero idea any of this was going to happen, so the frustration those work people have felt is echoed by me as well. It's going to take quite some time for me to reach out to people individually and say the various things that need to be said. Trying to rebuild my life is an absolute nightmare that I know will be the toughest challenge I've ever had, and remedying old work connections is very much part of that. It all has to be done, but I have to make sure I do it with the help I need and the time it takes.

I can't say 100% that GoNintendo is dead, but unfortunately, it's not going to be up-and-running as usual anytime in the near future. I don't even know what "usual" would be at this point, as it might not include me. I really, honestly do not know what's ahead. I'll have to figure things out as I go along, and see what solutions and opportunities arise. There might be something that comes my way that makes GoNintendo close to what it used to be, but your guess is as good as mine as to what that would be. I have so much to sift through and put in order, and that very much means personal and work life together.

To be even more transparent, I have no idea what's going on in the world of Nintendo right now. I've picked up a few things here and there, but by and large, I'm completely in the dark. There's never been a time in my life where I'm so uninformed about Nintendo. The same goes for all my passions right now, to be honest. Gaming as a whole, comic books, pro wrestling, and so on. The situation I was in completely removed my interest and drive to learn about those hobbies. Only just now am I getting reconnected to some of those things, but interacting with them just doesn't feel right. Not to be depressing, but those things don't make me happy or engage me like they used to. I've recently played games with friends, but that was definitely fueled by the desire to hear their voices and get back to some level of normal with them. I've also tried playing solo games, but I end up getting extremely uncomfortable and lost in bad thoughts at the same time. Not a fun place to be at mentally at all.

So yeah, not exactly the uplifting and happy post I'm sure you guys were holding out for, and for that I'm truly sorry. Trust me, I wanted that more than anything. The best news I can share is what I stated at the beginning. The situation I endured is over, and all is 100% well. If I could snap my fingers and forget the last few months, then I could pick up work/personal life tomorrow and plow ahead just like any other day. I so desperately want that to be possible, but obviously it's not.

I do want to share a thank you with everyone who reads this post and has checked in on the site the last couple of months. As of roughly a week ago, I had others inform me of all the comments you've shared, discussions you've had elsewhere, social media campaigns you put together, and so on. I'm incredibly touched that you guys care that much about me and GoNintendo in general to do all that. I've always said that I'm just some random Nintendo fan that obsesses over all things Big N, and you guys have been wonderful enough to support me on my journey. To know that your appreciation and care for my work, as well as me in general, goes this far is the most humbling thing I've ever experienced. I've never understood why I've been so lucky to have so many incredible people at my virtual side, and this whole situation only furthers that. You've always been a part of my heart, and that is something I truly appreciate right now.

My apologies for hitting all of you with such a giant post. I hope it helps bring some closure to the situation, and helps ease your mind a bit. Moving forward, I promise to keep you updated on any future for GoNintendo, but I obviously don't know when that'll be. As I said, I have a lot to deal with right now in both personal and work situations. When I have news to share about GoNintendo, you can be sure I'll bring it to you first.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Categories: Site Updates

Comments

It’s good to hear from you, my friend. Sending you and everyone on the podcast all my love. No matter what, I know you’ll get through this next stage in your life stronger than ever. Keep taking care of yourself, Kevin. You’re doing the most important work right now, and I will always believe in you. 💖

just wanted to express relief that you're safe and gratitude for all the amazing work you've put into the site. it sounds like you're on the road to recovery. best of luck!

Kevin I’m so sorry you had to experience what you did. I can only speak for myself (but there are tons that feel the same) you take all the time you need for yourself, you have always put the site and the fans first and that’s why Gonintendo has the fans is does. I will still be your biggest cheerleader and will be there for you in what ever capacity.

-Bucky Flores

fylo
Sat May 22 21 03:23pm
Rating: 1

Good to hear back from you Kevin.

It's been a while. I understand if for whatever reason you have to take off from the site. It's been a great place for Nintendo news 24/7. If I can take a moment from my time here, it has been that time all where down on Nintendo during the Wii U era, the concerns of the company going down and you asking several influential people from the industry to comment in here. I really liked that idea.

Life is a constant stage for change. As one gets older one attempts to resist that notion of things being different and feeling nostalgia for simpler times, "when things made sense." But growth and maturity is change. Each person needs to find what that means to them.

I think it's better you look what drives you and gain something out of it on a personal sense. If anything there's always a chance things turn around and one can find renewed satisfaction for what was left behind, but like all it can take time.

Anyway in short, I thank you for this wonderful place to know everything about Nintendo.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” - Chinese proverb

bjoin79
Sat May 22 21 08:05pm
(Updated 1 time)

Kevin, I am glad to here from you. I am truly deeply sorry that you had to go through such a terrible ordeal. I do not have any friends and am very depressed and have social problems. I feel as though even though we never met you are a friend to me. You helped me get through some bad times mentally and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I was crying reading this because you mean so much to me. To me you will always be a friend. I wish you all the luck and happiness in this world. I hope that you work through this and come back stronger than ever. Know that I am thinking of you and always am pulling for you. Until I hear from you again. Thank you for so much.
Brian J

I can't even begin to imagine what you've had to go through. I'm so sorry... :'(

I can only offer you my sympathy, and whatever it's worth to you I have prayed for you. There's hope and consolation in Christ... The gospel message gave me peace when my mother died in 2019 and Jesus continues to carry me daily through thick and thin.

I hope that some day you'll be able to get back to doing what you loved so much.

Thank you for all the years of this wonderful site. Wishing you well

joeshabadoo
Sat May 22 21 11:18pm
Rating: 3

If I’m clicking on these ads for Code Realize or Ford cars or.... this Guster Law Firm (lol) am I still giving Kevin some money, perhaps, just a bit?

voodoothur
Sun May 23 21 02:31am
Rating: 1

I certainly hope so, I must represent 99% of the click-through traffic at nailfungus.ca.

bomblord
Sun May 23 21 09:27am
Rating: 1

Prayers going up RMC, hope, peace, and comfort is coming down. Hold on, the people of this site love you like a brother.

maya
Sun May 23 21 10:52am
Rating: 2

Only thing I want to say is "thank you". Thank you for everything. Thank you for your time and effort. Thank you for all these years.

But your health is the priority here, so if that means the end of the site, well, everyone will understand the reasons. So just focus on you and your family and get better soon!

Look after number 1 my good man. Focus on yourself, get better, spend time with family, rest up. Your health is the important thing right now ❤️

Good luck and best wishes.
And should you be unable to ever return to this site, don't feel bad about it. You've given us so much over the years, and we're grateful for every bit of it. You don't owe us anything - it's we who owe you our thanks. So: Thank you.

And finally I only wish to add, from my own experience: It will get better.

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, but if you need to leave the site, then you should. Your health and well being should absolutely be your number one priority. I wish you well for the future.

That's awful to hear Sad I know things are rough and I hope you get better. No need to tell us, and if you continue to need breaks to get better I'd say take them. Get better, focus on yourself and remember you aren't alone Smile things take time, sometimes years. Everyone here understands and you dont have to tell us anything personal. I wish you well!

Wishing you all the best <3

ice
Mon May 24 21 03:59pm
Rating: 1

Hey, RMC, Kevin. Thank you for providing me a community and news website full of Nintendo fans and news. It's been my go to place for over a decade now. As a discord moderator, in a way, I have you to thank you for and I looked up to you as a fellow writer when I was writing on Operation Rainfall and seeing the community you built.

I also take pride in living in the same state as you, as well as being a wrestling fan too! Thank you for the years of entertainment, even if we didn't speak a lot (maybe that can change). I'll hold down the fort on the discord end as long as it's needed.

Thank you for providing this platform and I hope everything works out for you.

8_bit_boy
Mon May 24 21 04:20pm
Rating: 2

Hey RMC-

I just wanted to say thank you for the site you built. I’ve been coming here since the Revolution days for all my Nintendo news and I think your podcast is my favorite one out there to listen to. You’re right that this is definitely not the post I wanted to see, mostly because it feels like losing a friend. That said, I know whatever you’ve been dealing with must be difficult for you to leave the site in this way. I hope you take whatever time you need to feel better. If you ever do get to the point where you feel like starting back up again, just know that I would still be a reader – even if that’s days, months, or years from now.

If this is goodbye though, I hope you know what a special home this was. The internet can be a cruel place, and it always amazed me how positive GoNintendo was in the face of all that. Thank you for everything!

I don't really know what to say, I'm glad you're safe now, and I cannot stress how sorry I am for whatever the heck you went through, truly.

Kevin, please take care of yourself, and thank you, so very much for all your years of hard work, for being brave enough to share what you have, and for being an all-round top bloke.

If there comes a time you feel comfortable enough getting back on your feet and starting up GN again, just know I'll happily come running.

Take care mate.

So good to hear from you RMC. I hope you can find the help you need.
GoNintendo brings me so much joy, I'd love for you to return one day. Smile

I read your post and I let it sit in my head for a few days. Ultimately, I don't know the right thing to say, but I do feel for you and the traumatic experience you went through. I've been a longtime visitor to your site. Been coming here since the mid-2000s. You've provided all the Nintendo news I needed in one source, and you've always been a genuinely nice person. And every time I would randomly drop into a podcast it was always filled with good vibes.

While I'm not sure if your experience had anything to do with the pandemic, I know that 2020 did feel like it forever changed me. All that time I spent alone, combined with my overactive imagination, OCD, random guilt from past memories, and the constant barrage of negative news just wrecked me mentally. It's hard for me to really enjoy the things I used to because I just feel like a bad person all the time, even though it's mostly just in my head. So for the first time in my life I'm thinking of actually getting therapy.

It sounds like what you went through was really traumatic so I'm not trying to say my experience was as life-changing as yours, I'm just trying to relate to you in the best way I can so you don't feel alone amongst the craziness in the world today. You've always struck me as a decent person, and I've always appreciated what you've done with GoNintendo.

Ultimately, do what is best for you and your mental health. If that means stepping away from this site temporarily or even permanently, I would still appreciate all the work you've done over the years and all the memories you've helped to create.

Thank you, Kevin. I wish you and your family the best.

I am happy you are starting to feel better. Whatever happened, it sounds horrible, just remember there are good days as well. I wish you a good recovery and all of the best.

And about the site? Well, it was one of my most important Nintendo sources. But there are others as well. And when you are able and willing to return or in some other form, I will be here as well.

**Sending Massive Hugs**

enthropy
Sun May 30 21 04:40pm
Rating: 3

To everyone here: Don't underestimate the last message from out cowboy here. Remember to live and laugh, people. We only have one shot at this life so enjoy it to the most! It's such an important message!

Don’t know what you went through but it sounds horrible. Hope one day joy comes back in your life. But it sounds like you will just have to take it one day at a time. And definitely get therapy to deal with what ever trauma you have. We are all sending you good vibes.

Reading this makes me sad, but knowing you’re ok makes it all better <3

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