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GoNintendo 'End of Day' thought - Destin Feature: Let's build Nintendo's next console

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Man, I loved getting to see tons of 3DS footage and learn new details, but I’m glad that event was over! Sucking up the weekend hours with translations and screen caps wasn’t exactly the most fun way to spend my time! With that said, it was a pleasure to bring you guys the news. I sure hope you enjoyed reading/watching it all! See you in a few, short hours, my friends.

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Alright Nintendo.  You’ve had your fun.  You’ve made your millions of dollars but we both know that it’s time you started thinking about your next console and no.  I don’t mean the 3DS.  I know you’ve probably already begun pre-production heck, you could already have a concept unit made but there’s a few things I want to make sure you include in your next-gen system.  Seeing I’m a blogger and seeing you made close to a billion dollars last year it’s obvious that you need my help.

Bring back the controller…
I know some people like the Gamecube controller, but they’re all wrong.  It’s horrible.  Thank goodness you made the Classic Controller Pro or I would have went crazy trying to play first person shooters on the Wii.  Limiting your developers and the gamer to one type of input device is silly.  Remember, a lot of your audience is just like me.  Big, fat, or just lazy and we don’t like to waggle around our arms every time we play a game.  Do you know how hard it is for me to eat a bag of Doritos, or eat pizza when I have a Wiimote and Nunchuck in my hands?  Pretty frigging hard.  Microsoft and PlayStation haven’t forgotten us core gamers who like a controller and I hope you don’t either.  Okay maybe Microsoft has but I think you get my point.

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…But keep the Wiimote and improve it.
Maybe this means adding a camera or putting some stupid colored balls on top and giving it a new name, but keep the motion controls.  Apparently adding the WiiMotion plus sensor wasn’t enough and with the hype behind the Kinect and that other thing everyone’s forgotten about already, it’s the perfect time to show you’re still the king of making people look like retards when they play video games.  Show them all who’s king of the waggle Nintendo.

Add 3D
It seems as though (whether I like it or not) 3D is going to catch on.  Well if the PS3 can add 3D functionality through a set of firmware updates I see no reason that you couldn’t built it right in.  You’re already smart enough to know that everybody hates 3D glasses with a passion and with “no-glasses needed” televisions on the way, this could be perfect timing.  Just don’t make it a crutch that you force down everyone’s throat like some other people.

DVD?  Blu-Ray?
Really, who cares?  The only reason I would want Blu-ray in the next console would be so developers had more storage space to work with.  I know a lot of people out there would like having a DVD or Blu-ray player, but come on.  If they really want one they got it on Amazon for $60.   You’ve tried to do something different in the past with mini-cd’s so maybe do it again with some other format that can hold a lot of data.  As long as the games are good, it wont matter what format you have the software on.

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More power
Kind of a no brainer.  Seeing I’m writing this based on the assumption that you’re going to release your console first, something as powerful as the PS3 probably isn’t too much to ask.  You could make it as powerful as the 360, but I think we’re starting to see the limits of what that console can do and I wouldn’t want to see you start off weak.  I know, I know.  You didn’t make the Wii to compete with the Playstation 3 and X-Box 360 but they sure as hell want to compete with you.  Time to step your game up.

High Definition
480p is not high definition.  Now I’m not saying you need to blow anyone away with mind bending graphics, but I know I prefer to play Zelda in 480p over 480i.  Imagine an all new Zelda game running on PS3 type hardware in 1080p.  Yes please!

I love downloading GAMES
Remember when you got screwed out of Super Meat Boy?  Well that’ll never happen again if you just up the maximum file size for Wiiware titles on your next console.  Once you do that the indie developers will come out of the woodwork and beg to put their amazing, innovative titles on your platform.  Or at the very least we’ll get beer pong in 3D.  Keep pretty much everything else the way it is, just make sure to keep adding more games to the virtual console.

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The name
Please name it something as easy to make penis jokes about.  I appreciated that you changed the console from a name like the “Revolution” to the Wii.  Some people hated it but it sure made my job a lot easier.  Do you know how simple it is to make vague phallic references when talking about your controller or system?  Oh, and then you added condoms.  I suggest that you put condoms on everything this time.  The nunchuck, the console, even the motion sensor.  I don’t think you went far enough only putting one on the controller.  It’s imperative that every inch of white plastic is adequately protected.  Speaking of new names, how about the Pii?  You know, like Pi, but with two i’s to indicate that everybody’s invited when you play the Pii.  Pii with your friends.  Sometimes when you Pii it’s hard to stop.  Ahh yes.  I can see the posters now.

Well with the future of the Pii in your hands Nintendo.  I’m sure there’s at least two suggestions I made that we’ll see when the consoles released and now I can take full credit for them.  So what are you waiting for?  You’ve got a console to make.

What would you like to see Nintendo do with their next console?  What features do you think the system needs to have?  Let us know in the comments.

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