Login

An update on me and the future of GoNintendo

Hey, gang...I hope you're all doing well. It's obviously been quite some time since I up and vanished from the site, and I know you all have a ton of questions. I'm going to tell you everything I can, and also talk about the future of GoNintendo.

To kick things off, I want to say that the situation I was going through is officially over. It was something I never thought I would go through in a billion years, but here I am. I want to stress just as a I did last time, everyone is physically healthy and safe.

As for the situation itself, I honestly don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable talking about it in detail publicly. I know that's disappointing to hear, as I'm sure you guys/gals want to know every single bit of info. I do not blame you for wanting full details, and I know not getting them is frustrating beyond belief. All that said, here's what I'll share.

The situation hit me completely out of nowhere, and it removed me from everyone/everything I'm normally involved with. I don't want you guys to think I just up and left GoNintendo because I was tired of it. You know how important not just GoNintendo, but you guys are to me. This has been my baby for 17+ years and I've come to know and love so many of you. Trust me, it absolutely killed me to be yanked from my life's work and you wonderful people.

I also want to say once again that this took me away from ALL my usual interactions. We're not just talking about work. My friends and family have been in the dark just as long as you guys have, save for a VERY, VERY select few. I vanished from connections with them, and they've been wondering what's going on as well. It's been roughly 1 week since I've been able to come back to "normal" life, and I'm still working on filling in those personally close to me on what happened. It has been unimaginably rough, and quite honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get back mentally to who I was before this.

The matter removed me from every friendship, every work connection, and just about everything I did in my day-to-day life. I cannot stress enough how absolutely traumatic it has been, and continues to be. Even though everything is over and I can move on, I feel like an alien in my own body. Things that I did in life without giving a second thought now absolutely terrify me, and that goes for even the most simple of interactions. Getting the mail, answering a text, having conversations with people I've known all my life, and so on. I feel as though I'm watching myself from third person when I try to go through anything that was part of my usual routine. It's like some sort of out-of-body experience.

Again, I know it's supremely annoying not fully knowing what happened, but hopefully I've painted a picture that shows how horrible this all was, and how it's forever changed me in a very serious way. I'll no doubt be utilizing therapy for many, many years to come, and I have no idea if I'll ever feel like my old self. I hope this doesn't come across as overdramatic or woe-is-me, but I sincerely do not know if I'll ever be the same again. Just typing about it all makes me immeasurably uncomfortable. I spent those 2+ months sitting here worrying about everything, everyone, every thought, every noise, and so on. Even though I'm out from under the situation, nothing in life feels anywhere near normal right now.

Obviously, I'm sure many of you are wondering what this means for GoNintendo. Again, I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I really don't know what the future holds. To be 100% honest, I don't see myself getting back to a mental state where I can pick up work normally again. You guys know I worked on the site EVERY single day for the entirety of GoNintendo, so for me to say I don't see a path back mentally means a lot.

That said, I've had so many fantastic experiences through this site...there's honestly too many to count. From meeting my heroes, working with industry legends, covering the company I loved since I was a kid and so on, this has been a dream come true. Of course, the best part has been all of you people. Site readers, podcast listeners, social media followers, and so on. The amount of good to come from you and the site in general has been an incredible gift that gave just as much two months ago as it did on day one.

Unfortunately, I'm really not sure what to do from here on out with GoNintendo. It kills me to think about it ending, but I'm in no shape to push on. Just like many, many other normal things in my life right now, even contemplating diving back in makes me feel physically ill. I know it's trauma from what I went through and I need help to work through it, but as I said, that's going to take some serious time. Even just writing this post has proved extremely difficult. I've been having some horrendous nightmares about a billion things lately, including various GoNintendo stuff. It's all so, so incredibly difficult right now. I'm dedicated to getting better mentally, but I can't put a time on when I'll be in a better state, or how close to normal I'll ever be.

I have options for GoNintendo going forward, and those are things I need to think through. There are soooooooooo many work people I need to reach out to following this mess. Thinking of all the relationships that were severed makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again, I had zero idea any of this was going to happen, so the frustration those work people have felt is echoed by me as well. It's going to take quite some time for me to reach out to people individually and say the various things that need to be said. Trying to rebuild my life is an absolute nightmare that I know will be the toughest challenge I've ever had, and remedying old work connections is very much part of that. It all has to be done, but I have to make sure I do it with the help I need and the time it takes.

I can't say 100% that GoNintendo is dead, but unfortunately, it's not going to be up-and-running as usual anytime in the near future. I don't even know what "usual" would be at this point, as it might not include me. I really, honestly do not know what's ahead. I'll have to figure things out as I go along, and see what solutions and opportunities arise. There might be something that comes my way that makes GoNintendo close to what it used to be, but your guess is as good as mine as to what that would be. I have so much to sift through and put in order, and that very much means personal and work life together.

To be even more transparent, I have no idea what's going on in the world of Nintendo right now. I've picked up a few things here and there, but by and large, I'm completely in the dark. There's never been a time in my life where I'm so uninformed about Nintendo. The same goes for all my passions right now, to be honest. Gaming as a whole, comic books, pro wrestling, and so on. The situation I was in completely removed my interest and drive to learn about those hobbies. Only just now am I getting reconnected to some of those things, but interacting with them just doesn't feel right. Not to be depressing, but those things don't make me happy or engage me like they used to. I've recently played games with friends, but that was definitely fueled by the desire to hear their voices and get back to some level of normal with them. I've also tried playing solo games, but I end up getting extremely uncomfortable and lost in bad thoughts at the same time. Not a fun place to be at mentally at all.

So yeah, not exactly the uplifting and happy post I'm sure you guys were holding out for, and for that I'm truly sorry. Trust me, I wanted that more than anything. The best news I can share is what I stated at the beginning. The situation I endured is over, and all is 100% well. If I could snap my fingers and forget the last few months, then I could pick up work/personal life tomorrow and plow ahead just like any other day. I so desperately want that to be possible, but obviously it's not.

I do want to share a thank you with everyone who reads this post and has checked in on the site the last couple of months. As of roughly a week ago, I had others inform me of all the comments you've shared, discussions you've had elsewhere, social media campaigns you put together, and so on. I'm incredibly touched that you guys care that much about me and GoNintendo in general to do all that. I've always said that I'm just some random Nintendo fan that obsesses over all things Big N, and you guys have been wonderful enough to support me on my journey. To know that your appreciation and care for my work, as well as me in general, goes this far is the most humbling thing I've ever experienced. I've never understood why I've been so lucky to have so many incredible people at my virtual side, and this whole situation only furthers that. You've always been a part of my heart, and that is something I truly appreciate right now.

My apologies for hitting all of you with such a giant post. I hope it helps bring some closure to the situation, and helps ease your mind a bit. Moving forward, I promise to keep you updated on any future for GoNintendo, but I obviously don't know when that'll be. As I said, I have a lot to deal with right now in both personal and work situations. When I have news to share about GoNintendo, you can be sure I'll bring it to you first.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Categories: Site Updates

Comments

Top Rated Comment
Thu May 20 21 02:07am
Rating: 34 (Updated 2 times)

Kevin, I'm so sorry to hear that you went through such a traumatic experience. I am really glad you are going to go to therapy.

I went through a traumatic experience myself in 2015 -- coincidentally two days after Iwata died, so it will forever be tied up in my mind with Nintendo. I live in NYC and I was actually at the Nintendo NY store to visit Iwata's memorial when I got the news that my mother had killed herself. I was already going through a divorce at the time and living alone for the first time in about eight years. Needless to say, playing video games or doing anything I used to like felt frivolous and did not make me happy. I tried to keep myself busy, and some of it worked, but I was a completely different person after that.

A few months later I started therapy, and my therapist turned me onto medication for depression. It's no exaggeration to say that therapy and meds saved my life. I would not be typing this if not for them. Now, almost six years later, I'm engaged to the love of my life and more content than I've ever been. I'm still in therapy and on meds, though. My therapist described taking meds not as something to cure me of any sadness but to "change my baseline" and that's absolutely what they did. I still live with depression and I'm still very much changed from who I was before, but I have control over my life again. Kevin, you can and will have this too, whatever you went through. Please keep your head above water and take care of yourself. We will be here to cheer you on.

necrochild313
Thu May 20 21 01:49am
Rating: 3

Just glad to hear from you again!

I’m sorry you’ve been through what you’ve been through. You do whatever you need to do and want to do to heal and recover. Love you RMC!

Thu May 20 21 02:07am
Rating: 34 (Updated 2 times)

Kevin, I'm so sorry to hear that you went through such a traumatic experience. I am really glad you are going to go to therapy.

I went through a traumatic experience myself in 2015 -- coincidentally two days after Iwata died, so it will forever be tied up in my mind with Nintendo. I live in NYC and I was actually at the Nintendo NY store to visit Iwata's memorial when I got the news that my mother had killed herself. I was already going through a divorce at the time and living alone for the first time in about eight years. Needless to say, playing video games or doing anything I used to like felt frivolous and did not make me happy. I tried to keep myself busy, and some of it worked, but I was a completely different person after that.

A few months later I started therapy, and my therapist turned me onto medication for depression. It's no exaggeration to say that therapy and meds saved my life. I would not be typing this if not for them. Now, almost six years later, I'm engaged to the love of my life and more content than I've ever been. I'm still in therapy and on meds, though. My therapist described taking meds not as something to cure me of any sadness but to "change my baseline" and that's absolutely what they did. I still live with depression and I'm still very much changed from who I was before, but I have control over my life again. Kevin, you can and will have this too, whatever you went through. Please keep your head above water and take care of yourself. We will be here to cheer you on.

Thinking of you and sending all of my love and good vibes to you and my family while you navigate this horrible ordeal. Glad to see you're safe and that you're in the process of healing <3

nicodarunia
Thu May 20 21 02:23am
Rating: 1

I’m so glad to read a post from you, I’ve really missed you. I’m glad things are even a little bit better! I send you a very strong hug! And lots of love!

I'm so sorry you had to go through whatever it is. We are all here for you and you know you can always reach out to me if you need to talk about anything. Here's to a speedy and healthy recovery. Lots of love. I'm not a religious guy but you've been in my thoughts and will continue to be. You know you've been a major influence in my life and I can only hope and wish that you get yours back to normal. If you need anything please do not hesitate to ask.

red knight
Thu May 20 21 02:32am
Rating: 3

Gonintendo has been the home page of all of my devices connected to the internet for those 17 years. Breaks my heart to read your words and where you currently are mentally. I wish you the best recovery and hope that one day you can find the same joy you once did in the things you love.
As for the future of Gonintendo, It really doesn't matter unless you are well! Will I miss it? Absolutely! Does it mean more than your health and happiness? Absolutely not!

I wish you and yours the best Kevin/RMC.

I'm glad to hear you're healthy and safe. The situation you're describing sounds incredibly uncomfortable and I can't imagine what it must have been like and what it is going to continue feeling like going forward, but I hope you're able to get the best therapy and help possible. While I don't know you very personally, I do know you're a strong person just by seeing the kind of work you put out in the world. Even if it might not seem like you can ever fully return to normal, I know you have it in you to return to a kind of life you are comfortable and well in. In your own time and place, don't rush anything.

Don't let anyone berate you for not sharing full details or not getting personal, this is 100% something you need to work through on your own time and in your own space. While I love GoNintendo and would love to see it go back to the way it was, 100% of that relies on you getting to the place where you are comfortable with that. If anyone is giving you crap, just realize they do not and cannot understand what happened to you, and don't waste any time on that negativity.

Explore your options, don't let it stress you out, and just focus on you. I really do wish the best for you going forward, I've loved to visit GoNintendo for years now and it has 100% become my most frequented website, a place where I have come back to for years and anytime I needed a pick-me-up I found myself navigating here. The last paragraph you shared even in this extremely hard to write post reiterates again why this has been such a special place for me, the love of Nintendo and games and the people who make and play them has always inspired me to be better myself.

If you ever need any additional help in any way, It'd be a great service to me to help in any way I can.

Sending my best your way. God bless.

You do what you need to do, man. I'd love for everything with the site to get back to normal but I'd much rather know that you're taking care of yourself.

luthlexor
Thu May 20 21 02:50am
Rating: 1

Hi Kevin, thanks for the update. Sorry to hear all of what you've gone through. I hope it all works out. Seek therapy, take your time, and show love to yourself.

I also hope that Mom Brain is doing well.

Whatever happened sounds awful, but I'm happy you're now able to start your road to recovery. All the best xx

I can't begin to imagine what you've gone through, though hearing how much it has affected you gives me enormous sympathy.

Take the time you need to focus on recovery, and all the best to you / your family.

Much love from us big-man~

Always loved the content here and enjoyed your takes on news/stories in the industry over the years. While I'm disappointed the site isn't going to return to normal any time soon, I would rather have you feeling well and healthy. I'll continue my Patreon pledge in the meantime though. Take care of yourself! You don't owe us anything but the community is here for you! Much love!

frenchfryguy
Thu May 20 21 04:16am
Rating: 1 (Updated 1 time)

That was one of the most painful statements i've ever had to read. I'm so sorry for whatever it was that happened to you that led to this situation.

I've missed your voice, your laugh, hell even your damn belches these past couple of months. I'm glad that the immediate threat of whatever it was is over and you can begin to rebuild your life.

If and when you're ready I really hope that will include bits of the old life in it whether it be the old or even a new podcast or picking random big Nintendo stories to share on the site from time to time, but above all else, I'm just glad to hear from you again even if it was a hard read.

Love and hugs RMC and family♥♥♥

aussiephoenix83
Thu May 20 21 04:43am
Rating: 2

My heart raced when I came onto the site today to see an update from you Kevin! Literal tears welled in my eyes as I read your post. I have been coming on every day to check on the site and to see if there is an update. I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been going through the last couple of months- it sounds just awful! I am glad to hear you are now on the other side of your traumatic event and hopefully now you can begin the recovery period. Look after yourself, love yourself, surround yourself with supportive and positive people! Sending love and positivity your way!

muffintop10
Thu May 20 21 04:44am
Rating: 1

Sending a ton of love and kind thoughts your way RMC, and to the whole GN crew and it's community as well. Whatever you choose to do going forward, I'll support it. ❤️

fish
Thu May 20 21 05:04am
Rating: 1

Man, the longer we went without hearing from you, the more I empathized with your situation. I knew it wasn't easy to be torn away from your life's work like that and if you had it in your power to fill everyone in, you'd take it. To go from updating a site, a Patreon, Youtube page, Twitter all day, every day for years to just... suddenly not was hard enough to imagine but also hearing about the isolation you had to take from pretty much everyone including real-life friends and family (on top of online friendships) is downright tearjerking.

You are one of the most selfless people I've ever known! The work you've put into all of this over the years (been a fan for well over a decade now 😬) has been inspiring and I know there's probably a part of you that's going to feel bad for not being able to spring back into step with things, if you even do at all.

Whatever you decide, I'm with you. And I know a lot of other fans of the site and of you will be too!

You have to do what's best for you.

Trauma is... pretty freakin' hard shovel to deal with! I'm glad you mentioned you were already seeking therapy for what happened. Regardless of the future of the sight, I (and many others) want YOU to be okay. It's going to take time, work, thoughtfulness, help from friends and then... even more time. And even after all that, the effects may still linger with you. Unexpected triggers will rear their ugly head at strange times but it does get better, I promise you. Just do not be afraid to lean on your support network. You have some of the best friends and supporters out there because you are such a great friend and person.

It does get better. It will get better.

This is the worst of it, my friend. Starting the process of recovery. All of the cuts are still fresh and sting. It makes you dissociate and it makes you feel like you'll never enjoy the activities you once enjoyed before. And without those... you might feel like you've lost a huge part of yourself!

Whether or not you find joy in those same activities going forward remains to be seen but you can overcome that too! Eventually you'll learn ways to wash off the correlations enough to where you can enjoy some of those things again. You'll find joy in things, maybe even new interests! The important thing to do is to survive it. I really hate that "time heals all wounds" saying because like, if you got your arm blown off, time isn't going to regrow an arm (or is it...?) but it's true-ish! Time really does make it easier to deal with terrible things that have happened to you and it will make most (if not all) of these symptoms easier to deal with.

You are probably a changed man and for that, I am truly sorry. I don't know what happened and I don't ever need to know but I AM sorry that you had to go through all of this. You definitely didn't deserve it.

Much love and please hang in there.

I don't... know what I could do to help you beyond this, but if there ever is anything, I think you could track me down on Discord. Please just take as much time as you need for yourself before worrying about ANYTHING else.

I am glad to see you are okay-ish. Obviously not completely okay, but that you're at least alive and holding together. I... don't think any of us need to know what happened. I get trauma, usually I deal with my own by venting, but everyone has their own way.

I'm just really sorry that whatever happened to you, had to happen. This year has been pretty damn weird, and if I am being honest, this year has been worse than last year for me by far... seems the same may be the case for you as well. I am sorry to welcome you to that club.

Best thing I can suggest, is make sure you take the time for self-care, don't fuss about anything else. Things will eventually return to a semblance of "normal". Maybe not the same one you had, but one that is good enough.

My heart is filled with happiness
I arrived to see that RMC has posted an update.
I’m so happy that the worst of his experience is over but understand that a recovery time is still needed.
I love this site so much and will continue to watch for more updates
Take the time needed and know that many of us will be here when you are ready. Your return doesn’t have to be back to what it was previously.
If you make a comment occasionally about whatever it’ll bring smiles to our faces.
Time heals.
Hopefully your healing will include some sort of return to the site and I will be here when it happens.
Take care and be safe. Love always

xcanadianrambox
Thu May 20 21 05:47am
(Updated 1 time)

I am happy to see an update, and with it I want to say I’ve been coming multiple times a day to read the comments and see how people are doing…

I want to say that I understand it and no matter what you end up doing and whatever you went through, I, and probably many others are here for you to support whatever happens next.

I’m just glad you are safe, and I send you all my love and best wishes that you can recover and have a happy future in whatever shape or form that may be Smile

It feels good for us to finally hear from you again. Even though we can't know exactly what goes through you right now, please make sure you take enough time to do whatever you have to do. And remember that you don't owe us fans anything, you have been giving to us for over 15 years now. One thing that always shone through in the podcasts is your high level of musicality. So even if I don't know you enough (or at all really) to give you advice in this situation, I would still like to say that since you can't go on doing what has given you the most joy all these years, I think you really should try to engage in music in some way or another. You obviously have the talent for it, so spend all the time you like on creating music, singing, learning a new instrument or... whatever, as long as it feels meaningful. Apart from that, I would just like to thank you for everything you have been doing for us during all these years!

Very happy to hear from you, but also saddens me that you’re gone through something so traumatic. Hang in there man. We will still be around if and when you feel like returning. Are we disappointed that you didn’t announce that you’re now president of NOA? Absolutely haha.
We wish you the best,

gerjet
Thu May 20 21 06:46am
Rating: 1

Good to see you again Kevin.

And yes traumatic events can throw someone off for a long while. 2 years ago something severe happened in my circle of contacts, which threw me off for over 6 months and even now I still trying to cope with that event (luckily for 14 months I am in weekly counselling sessions helping me with it) - take the time you need to recharge your batteries, and keep in mind that your readers always have an open ear and heart for you.

Just one thing: Whatever the future holds, thank you for the past 14 or 15 years I've read GN.

Search

Today's VIP

fakehaseo's avatar
Joined: July 2016
Newbie

Social Services

Want to join this discussion?

You should like, totally log in or sign up!