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An update on me and the future of GoNintendo

Hey, gang...I hope you're all doing well. It's obviously been quite some time since I up and vanished from the site, and I know you all have a ton of questions. I'm going to tell you everything I can, and also talk about the future of GoNintendo.

To kick things off, I want to say that the situation I was going through is officially over. It was something I never thought I would go through in a billion years, but here I am. I want to stress just as a I did last time, everyone is physically healthy and safe.

As for the situation itself, I honestly don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable talking about it in detail publicly. I know that's disappointing to hear, as I'm sure you guys/gals want to know every single bit of info. I do not blame you for wanting full details, and I know not getting them is frustrating beyond belief. All that said, here's what I'll share.

The situation hit me completely out of nowhere, and it removed me from everyone/everything I'm normally involved with. I don't want you guys to think I just up and left GoNintendo because I was tired of it. You know how important not just GoNintendo, but you guys are to me. This has been my baby for 17+ years and I've come to know and love so many of you. Trust me, it absolutely killed me to be yanked from my life's work and you wonderful people.

I also want to say once again that this took me away from ALL my usual interactions. We're not just talking about work. My friends and family have been in the dark just as long as you guys have, save for a VERY, VERY select few. I vanished from connections with them, and they've been wondering what's going on as well. It's been roughly 1 week since I've been able to come back to "normal" life, and I'm still working on filling in those personally close to me on what happened. It has been unimaginably rough, and quite honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get back mentally to who I was before this.

The matter removed me from every friendship, every work connection, and just about everything I did in my day-to-day life. I cannot stress enough how absolutely traumatic it has been, and continues to be. Even though everything is over and I can move on, I feel like an alien in my own body. Things that I did in life without giving a second thought now absolutely terrify me, and that goes for even the most simple of interactions. Getting the mail, answering a text, having conversations with people I've known all my life, and so on. I feel as though I'm watching myself from third person when I try to go through anything that was part of my usual routine. It's like some sort of out-of-body experience.

Again, I know it's supremely annoying not fully knowing what happened, but hopefully I've painted a picture that shows how horrible this all was, and how it's forever changed me in a very serious way. I'll no doubt be utilizing therapy for many, many years to come, and I have no idea if I'll ever feel like my old self. I hope this doesn't come across as overdramatic or woe-is-me, but I sincerely do not know if I'll ever be the same again. Just typing about it all makes me immeasurably uncomfortable. I spent those 2+ months sitting here worrying about everything, everyone, every thought, every noise, and so on. Even though I'm out from under the situation, nothing in life feels anywhere near normal right now.

Obviously, I'm sure many of you are wondering what this means for GoNintendo. Again, I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I really don't know what the future holds. To be 100% honest, I don't see myself getting back to a mental state where I can pick up work normally again. You guys know I worked on the site EVERY single day for the entirety of GoNintendo, so for me to say I don't see a path back mentally means a lot.

That said, I've had so many fantastic experiences through this site...there's honestly too many to count. From meeting my heroes, working with industry legends, covering the company I loved since I was a kid and so on, this has been a dream come true. Of course, the best part has been all of you people. Site readers, podcast listeners, social media followers, and so on. The amount of good to come from you and the site in general has been an incredible gift that gave just as much two months ago as it did on day one.

Unfortunately, I'm really not sure what to do from here on out with GoNintendo. It kills me to think about it ending, but I'm in no shape to push on. Just like many, many other normal things in my life right now, even contemplating diving back in makes me feel physically ill. I know it's trauma from what I went through and I need help to work through it, but as I said, that's going to take some serious time. Even just writing this post has proved extremely difficult. I've been having some horrendous nightmares about a billion things lately, including various GoNintendo stuff. It's all so, so incredibly difficult right now. I'm dedicated to getting better mentally, but I can't put a time on when I'll be in a better state, or how close to normal I'll ever be.

I have options for GoNintendo going forward, and those are things I need to think through. There are soooooooooo many work people I need to reach out to following this mess. Thinking of all the relationships that were severed makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again, I had zero idea any of this was going to happen, so the frustration those work people have felt is echoed by me as well. It's going to take quite some time for me to reach out to people individually and say the various things that need to be said. Trying to rebuild my life is an absolute nightmare that I know will be the toughest challenge I've ever had, and remedying old work connections is very much part of that. It all has to be done, but I have to make sure I do it with the help I need and the time it takes.

I can't say 100% that GoNintendo is dead, but unfortunately, it's not going to be up-and-running as usual anytime in the near future. I don't even know what "usual" would be at this point, as it might not include me. I really, honestly do not know what's ahead. I'll have to figure things out as I go along, and see what solutions and opportunities arise. There might be something that comes my way that makes GoNintendo close to what it used to be, but your guess is as good as mine as to what that would be. I have so much to sift through and put in order, and that very much means personal and work life together.

To be even more transparent, I have no idea what's going on in the world of Nintendo right now. I've picked up a few things here and there, but by and large, I'm completely in the dark. There's never been a time in my life where I'm so uninformed about Nintendo. The same goes for all my passions right now, to be honest. Gaming as a whole, comic books, pro wrestling, and so on. The situation I was in completely removed my interest and drive to learn about those hobbies. Only just now am I getting reconnected to some of those things, but interacting with them just doesn't feel right. Not to be depressing, but those things don't make me happy or engage me like they used to. I've recently played games with friends, but that was definitely fueled by the desire to hear their voices and get back to some level of normal with them. I've also tried playing solo games, but I end up getting extremely uncomfortable and lost in bad thoughts at the same time. Not a fun place to be at mentally at all.

So yeah, not exactly the uplifting and happy post I'm sure you guys were holding out for, and for that I'm truly sorry. Trust me, I wanted that more than anything. The best news I can share is what I stated at the beginning. The situation I endured is over, and all is 100% well. If I could snap my fingers and forget the last few months, then I could pick up work/personal life tomorrow and plow ahead just like any other day. I so desperately want that to be possible, but obviously it's not.

I do want to share a thank you with everyone who reads this post and has checked in on the site the last couple of months. As of roughly a week ago, I had others inform me of all the comments you've shared, discussions you've had elsewhere, social media campaigns you put together, and so on. I'm incredibly touched that you guys care that much about me and GoNintendo in general to do all that. I've always said that I'm just some random Nintendo fan that obsesses over all things Big N, and you guys have been wonderful enough to support me on my journey. To know that your appreciation and care for my work, as well as me in general, goes this far is the most humbling thing I've ever experienced. I've never understood why I've been so lucky to have so many incredible people at my virtual side, and this whole situation only furthers that. You've always been a part of my heart, and that is something I truly appreciate right now.

My apologies for hitting all of you with such a giant post. I hope it helps bring some closure to the situation, and helps ease your mind a bit. Moving forward, I promise to keep you updated on any future for GoNintendo, but I obviously don't know when that'll be. As I said, I have a lot to deal with right now in both personal and work situations. When I have news to share about GoNintendo, you can be sure I'll bring it to you first.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Categories: Site Updates

Comments

I just want to say: Thank you. For everything you and your team did on GoNintendo in the last ~15 years. I don't know when I found this page, but it has been one the default page of my browsers every since. I always had the impression of getting every Nintendo-related news out there, it was interesting every single day. Thank you!

Whatever you do, I wish you and the rest of the team good luck and a healthy, happy life for the future. I will keep visiting this page for some more weeks, just in case.

andregx
Thu May 20 21 11:18am
(Updated 1 time)

It's such a relief to hear from you again, Kevin. You've ran an amazing website that I've visited for the entirety of my adult life and I'm honored to be able to call you a friend. It really sucks to hear you've been through something so traumatic. I hope your recovery from this is as swift and painless as possible and please let me know if I can help in any way at all.

Love you man

enigmaxtreme
Thu May 20 21 11:33am
(Updated 1 time)

It's so good to hear from you Kevin, what you endured sounds absolutely awful, it almost sounds like you were held hostage or something.

But what I still don't understand is why the site was essentially left alone, there were members of the site willing to help keep the site running during your absence and they were made to leave everything alone.

I hope that you can pick up the pieces man

Seeing a new post here will for sure be the highlight of my day. But damn am I sorry for what you're going through. You offered a great service here, which I understand far more so now that I go elsewhere for news and feel like I'm tolerating their writing/reporting rather than enjoying it like I always enjoyed yours. But I feel the much greater service you can offer the world is putting in the effort to not only take care of yourself, but to master yourself. There are countless people going through their own hardships and traumas, and are probably tempted to give up and accept defeat. But to perdure is to benefit everyone whose trying to do the same. So I hope you do. Not for us, not for GoNintendo, and not even for whatever future projects you work on which I'm sure will be amazing and successful. Solely so the innermost part of you can emanate uninhibited into the fullest expression of itself. So you can experience and know that beauty and that joy, because you fucking deserve it. Everyone does. We'll always encounter something or someone which aims to thwart that process and that part of ourselves, but it's a good fight to overcome it and shape a self and a life which reflects that innermost truth.

Wish there was something I could do to help. I'm sure many people feel that way. If you ever start a Patreon or fundraiser or something I'd love to contribute. If at least to lessen some burden.

Thanks for sharing. Hope we get to hear from you more someday.

I believe there is a Gonintendo patreon.

Good to hear from you again, RMC. Wishing you the best with everything. If and when GoNintendo comes back online, we'll all be here for it.

Glad to hear from you again, RMC. I'm sorry to hear that you were affected so badly.

I feel pretty darn confident saying there's no site like GoNintendo on the web, and there's nobody like you, RMC, managing such a site. Not that it should be a source of pressure forcing you to return. I remember many situations, like family vacations, where the community was more or less in favor of you actually USING it as a vacation - but you were so dedicated to the site that you worked through those vacations as well. We're definitely in favor of you sitting things out right now, for as long as is needed.

I originally found the GoNintendo Podcast when it was around episode 20, Around 13-14 years ago, I suppose, when I got an iPod for Christmas and started looking into podcasts to listen to. GoNintendo was one I picked out, and of course that led to me becoming a site reader. My interest in Nintendo has waxed and waned over the years (fell off with the Wii U, grew again with the Switch), but GoNintendo has never left my favorites list. I love how even the niche news is posted, and the attitude of the site is extremely personable (not too hard with RMC at the helm). I'd love to see it come back in some form, perhaps with other posters first and you coming back according to your ability/interest should the time come.

But again, GoNintendo shouldn't be big on your list of concerns right now, all things considered. You gotta take time for yourself, at your own pace. But I do just want to add to the surprising amount of people in the 'decade plus' club and tell you how much we appreciate you and wish you well.

radicaldefect
Thu May 20 21 11:55am
Rating: 1

Whatever the future holds, please know that I & countless others are immeasurably grateful for the positive impact that you & GoNintendo have had on our lives for years. I believe in the power of healing & of therapy, and I believe in you.

My heart genuinely breaks, for everything you've gone through. But you being okay is what matters the most. Even if GoNintendo's time is at an end, I'll always consider you a friend. My life's better because you & your friends were a part of it.

- RadicalDefect/"Master Higgins"

What you resist it persists. Just so you know RMC, you're not alone, an i know how terrifying what kind of experience you're dealing with, most likely is anxiety and like you said, you think you might not come back to your "former self" but that's just part of your anxiety, im by no means a psychologist, but get this pretty clear, once your anxiety settles you'll be back in no time Smile. From the deepest core of my heart i assure you, you'll be okay.

Sounds awful, but i'm happy the bad situation finally ended.
I'm sure he feel better soon (i hope) Smile

I think some horrible accusations of someone who wanted to destroy rmc's life, hit him. Something like a murderer-accusation, or another awful crime, that would've destroyed rmc's life. Of course rmc is the most not guilty man ever, so the situation cleared itself.

Another guess could be the involvement of some kind of mafia.

socar
Thu May 20 21 12:19pm
Rating: 1

Arr nothings happening ta ya RMC. You'll get there eventually and ya got us all to remind you of that.

You'll be fine and we'll be there for you always

Long live Go Nintendo and hail for RMC!

Take care of yourself, everything else (in the end) is secondary. I hope you get better and are able to get back to a place you can call "normal" again.

the_kernal
Thu May 20 21 12:27pm
Rating: 2

Kevin.. I'm so sorry. Sending all of my love. Just know, we will always be here for you. Your recovery and regaining a feeling of safety is most important.. I hope you get to feel that again, soon.

Welcome back RMC, you were really missed.

There's no need to explain the whole situation, knowing you're alive and well is more than enough for a lot of us, if not all if us.
We may not know what you went through, and maybe some of us don't want to know (not because we don't care, but because we don't want to bother or disturb you), but the important thing is that it's over and here's hoping you recover from it so you can fully enjoy again what you once did.

If GoNintendo stops, I'd be glad to know I was part of that community you and the GN crew fostered.

Finally, on a personal note, there's one more thing I want to share today. Do me a favor and spend some time doing something you love and spreading some joy. Play a game online with your friends, tell your family how much they mean to you, take a day trip for a bit of relaxation, and so on. Enjoy life, do what makes you smile, and make sure you try to bring those smiles to others as well. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you guys are loving life and doing well.

Despite not knowing you in person, it feels like there are legit feelings here. Like you care for us in the same way we do for you.

mako
Thu May 20 21 12:49pm
Rating: 3

Sorry to hear you had to go through something like this. Sending love and prayers your way! Focus on yourself and healing yourself first and worry about the rest later. If you decide GN needs to be on hiatus I'm sure the users will return when you do, or just hire someone else to post and you make an occasional post for Goriginal content! Whatever happens or whatever you decide wishing you and your family/friends all the best!

pfresh85
Thu May 20 21 12:58pm
Rating: 3

I was praying for you during your long absence, and I'll continue to pray for you RMC during this road to recovery. I am sorry that you had such a terrible experience and it has put you in such a bad place mentally. Therapy does help, as do medications (if you and the doctor agree it's the right approach). I hope either or both are able to help you regain your happiness and enthusiasm for the things that used to bring you joy. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety for most of his life, I know how tough this can be, but just remember that in addition to your family and friends that you have a community here who cares about you and is rooting for you.

Love you RMC, I wish there was something i could do to help, hopefully you'll get back to your old self soon! Its been a long and lonely time without you, but gonintendo has been my homepage for the interwebs for too long and I refuse to change it, so whenever you're ready, im sure lots of us will be here waiting!

Hope you have a speedy recovery!

Kevin, I understand how U feeling with this. It’s sucks that U having problems that needed to be cleaned. Work got U frustrating, games doesn’t helped for being mentally, & most importantly family & friends R here for U to get the help U need. It’s good that U’re going for a long way to recovery. We all wish U back & better than ever. If U’re not with GoNintendo or the company is now shut down, that’s ok. We all have 17+ memories of the site, podcast, & streaming live videos to remember of the fun, loving, & class clowns that everyone gave us. We all miss that. Kevin Cassidy “RMC” tried to get a better health & we will pray for U to recover U’re old self back. We miss U buddy. Thank U.

joeshabadoo
Thu May 20 21 02:21pm
Rating: 1 (Updated 2 times)

My heart is unimaginably heavy but also filled with hope. I can barely find the words to describe how thankful I’ve always been for the dedication and passion that you’ve brought to bare when it comes to everything and everyone in your life/circles; not to mention how much respect and admiration I have for you: the same same admiration I’m feeling today after you found the strength to write this for us.
The cadence you maintained in your professional life often had me concerned to certain degrees, and the most important thing to do that you are already doing is focusing on yourself first and foremost. Never feel any amount of shame for emotions felt or support sought.
RMC, you have so many people who truly understand what a beautiful and kind person you are, be they family, friend, colleague, aquaintance, or fan. We care about you and what’s best for you. As hard as I know it must be, separating yourself from your life’s work to heal is something that anyone who truly cares about you will understand.
I’ve always tried to find ways to give back and show my appreciation and I will continue to do so even if it’s only slightly gesturing at some semblance of reciprocating the joy you’ve brought to my life for so many years and the community you’ve fostered.
This hobby just won’t feel the same without you right now, and I dont say that to lay any guilt at all, but to stress just how meaningful your presence has been to so many. I keep getting more choked up as I ramble on, but I’ll close with saying that I love you and am so grateful that you also have such a special and supportive partner who I know has provided for you in ways few could ever conceive during this time.

Until we meet again. Love to you and MomB

Thu May 20 21 02:28pm
(Updated 2 times)

It is good to hear from RMC again. Like everyone here, I hope the best for him moving forward.

Would I love to see the website and podcast return as before -- of course.

But much more importantly, I want KC to be able to feel like RMC again. And that will take time. And what that involves in entirely up to him.

I wish you well, KC/RMC.

gekkoukitsune
Thu May 20 21 02:34pm
(Updated 1 time)

RMC, you and the GoNintendo crew mean the world to me. You are like family. I'm sorry this happened. You don't owe us a thing. Your health matters more than anything including this website. I want you to be well and feel well, no matter what it takes or how long it takes. I appreciate everything you have done and will do! Please take it easy! No matter what you choose to do, know that I and many others will still be around. We love you man.

shellshockprime
Thu May 20 21 02:34pm
Rating: 1

Hey Kevin,

I've recently read the updated post, and I am really sorry about what you went through. I just wanted to tell you how much you have meant to me over all of these years frequenting GoNintendo. I have been an avid reader on GoNintendo for so many years, and reading news posts, as well as your opinion pieces always brought a lot of joy.

I have gone through so much in my life, whether it being personal issues, mental health issues, or other things that happened, GoNintendo was always there, and you have helped with cheering me up each and every time. I've met you a couple of times at some events, with the last time we met being the Super Nintendo World Contest at Grand Central Terminal in NYC. I really am glad to have met you, and to have been a part of the GoNintendo Community.

Thank you so much for everything! No matter what happens moving forward, you will forever have my support! Best of luck for the future, Kevin!

Damn, it's so good to hear from you again! I'm sad that you've had to go through something so traumatic. I hope you can get back to your life, in whatever form that takes, as soon as possible.

Best wishes my friend!

RMC... It is so good to hear from you again. Yet my heart is heavy, knowing that something hugely traumatic affected you so deeply that you had to cut off everyone and nobody really knew about it. That has to be the worst feeling in the world, trying to deal with the situation yourself and not having anyone who could help.

No matter what you decide for the future of this site, thank you. Thank you for bringing joy to everyone's lives with this site.

malikhalo
Thu May 20 21 03:39pm
Rating: 1

I love you, buddy. No matter how bad it feels right now, things can and will get better.

You must be going through hell RMC, I can't even imagine. I wish you all the best, we all do. It's a very long road ahead, but just take it one day at a time. I'd love to see you and the site come back in time, but understand if it never happens. And thank you for everything over the years, I've been coming here from the start, even if I didn't comment and was a relative latecomer to the podcast. You're the best Nintendo site around, still are. You gave so much of yourself, too much.

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